on being a 'mess of contradictions'

"you're a mess of contradictions. how very beautiful."

When I first read Danielle LaPorte's post about being honest and accepting of your contradictions, I thought it was fascinating, but I didn't really feel that it applied to my own life. However, in the last few weeks, I've discovered a few things about myself (quite by accident!) that really brought the idea to light for me.

I enjoy being a rebel. Whether it's procrastinating, flirting with men (who aren't my boyfriend), or speeding on the freeway, I take pleasure in resisting authority. If you tell me I can't or shouldn't do something, my first reaction is to find some way to do it anyway. I know it's not necessarily a good thing, but I think it can be extremely beneficial if used in a constructive manner.

I want to get in touch with the universe. Whether it be Mother Nature, Zen, or simply the person hiding deep inside me, I yearn to open my mind to something deeper than the superficial world around me (not necessarily an organized religion). I practice yoga, wish I was brave enough to wear organic clothing and recycled accessories and go vegan.

I'm a recovering tomboy. For most of my life, I got along so much better with the boys my age than with any girl, and it's certainly taken its toll - I've got just enough fashion sense to get by, but not enough to shine. I don't know all the tips and tricks that it takes to be a woman (at least the way that I imagine). I play video games instead of cook, I love movies with special effects and explosions better than romantic comedies, and I crave gadgets of every kind.

I yearn to be heard but I'm afraid of being ignored. I feel the need to blog/tweet/update/etc about things that I find interesting, things I've been thinking, things I think the world should know. I created my own photography website but took it down thinking that no one would look at it anyway. I long to speak up in social situations but I'm terrified of saying the wrong thing and becoming a walking faux pas, so I keep my mouth shut. (Luckily, at the start of this blog, I realized that it doesn't matter!)

Thank goodness for people like Danielle who can see the things that everyone else misses, and bring the concept into such clarity for the rest of us. I highly recommend checking out her website: White Hot Truth: because self-realization rocks.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman